Jokes about the dogs
For Japanese scientists it was possible to learn more about the
life of dogs with the aid of video of the cameras, which are fastened to
the head of animal and are written all its actions. It occurs, 90% of time
of dog are conducted, attempting to detach video camera away from the
head. Rest 10% they run away from the scientists, who catch them in order
to replace video cassette.
- Russian celebratory meal - these are the box
of beer, the pair of the bottles of vodka, the stick of sausage and dog...
- A dog why? - well someone must eat sausage...
Conversation of two bookkeepers: - my dog does remind me of our tax
inspector - than this? - constantly something it digs, it looks at me by
clever eyes and it can explain anything.
- by road, and you do remember, as once under new yr you did accompany me
home, and my dog was torn away it did suddenly and bite you? - greatly
even remember well....luchshe then it me zagryzla.
Attorney unsealed the envelope: - and now I will proclaim will Guerra to
Kushka. Thus: "entire its state, find in the sensible reason, I bequeath
to my only real, sincere and incorruptible friend...". Entire family with
the hatred looked to the spotty great dane, which lay in the fireplace....
- you do represent, yesterday it did give to its dog the command "to
serve" - well and? - so it dressed helmet and was shrewd into the army.
Drunkard it returns home. It fell into the puddle. The dog runs up to it
and it begins to lick it: - I you do not request, and do not kiss, no
longer I will sit down at the table.
Pilferer takes away into the house and he begins to search for valuable
things. Suddenly it hears the voice: - Christ you sees, and he is very
dissatisfied... Pilferer turns around - no one. He continues to search for
and again it hears: - Christ you does see, and he is very dissatisfied...
- who here??? - asks pilferer. - this 4, Tyutyul', answers parrot. -
Tyutyul'? What idiotic nickname for the parrot. - A Christ, in your
opinion, not idiotic nickname for amstaffa?
- dog goes to the mail, the beret form for the telegram and he writes:
"gav... of gav... of gav... of gav... of gav... of gav... of gav... of
gav... of gav..." Post worker read text and speaks: - in the telegram only
of nine words. You can add one additional word for the same price. Dog
thinks, re-reads, shevelya by lips ("gav-gav... gav, gav of..."), its
text, then he says: - of course not, then nonsense some is obtained... -
"this is not described!" - said p.es, sadly looking at the baobab.
- say, is it possible to look to the dog, that occupied the first place at
the competition of watch dogs? Unfortunately, they stole it on the
following night.
- comrade is the captain, to me in the place of incident for one to leave
or with the dog? - with the dog, sergeant. One mind it is good, and two -
are better.
One peasant vygulivayet healthy dog. Another approaches and asks it: - A
in your dog is a genetic tree? - A why? It uses any.
Peasant gave goat to the exhibition of dogs. - register us, if you please.
- yes the same goat! - A beard? This is rizenshnautser! - A of horn! ? - A
into the personal life of my dog I will ask not to be thrust!
- your dog carried off my shoes! - you from the mind descended! My dog
never came home put on shoes.
- you know, my dog entirely grew lazy! - that you do speak? But that
such? - well as. It is earlier in order to take a walk, it brought guide,
and now - keys from the machine!
Frontier-guard with the dog goes along the boundary. Rustle in the bushes.
Frontier-guard - to dog: - go look, that there such. - you went!.. 4 hence
I can pogavkat'.
- this you did declare reward for the disappeared dog? - yes. But you it
did find? - still no. But I would want to obtain advance.
- I learned dog to bark, when it wants to eat. Were conducted one hundred
trainings!!! - well and that, now it layet? - no, now it does not eat,
thus far 4 not to zalayu.
Neighbor, and why you your dog did name scoundrel? - for khokhmy! When 4
to its call on the street, half of peasants is examined!
Husbands dilute. Judge asks their son: - you with whom do want to remain?
- certainly with the fact, they will sentence dog to whom!
Neighbor - to neighbor: - we finally trained our puppy to make affairs to
the newspaper. It is good to still learn to await him, until we read it.
Owner of dog - to veterinary surgeon: - my dog fell into the habit to run
after the machines -malolitrajkami and layet as mad. You can it cure? -
from what? All dogs run after the motor vehicles. - yes, but my is
sufficient them and it buries in the vegetable-garden.
- 4 it is so lonely, complains bachelor to friend, i do not have anyone in
the light, besides this only dog. - A you purchase one additional dog.
Apartment. Telephone rings. Dog approaches, the tube is removed by mouth:
- Gav! - To alle!? - Gav! - To alle, not audibly, you will repeat on the
letters! - Galina, Aleksey, Vladimir.
Two dog breeders praise by dogs. - in me dog approaches the door, he
rings, and 4 it I admit. - A in me it does not ring. . - fie, what foolish
dog... - of course not, simply in it its key exists.
- what you have beautiful dog! It, probably clever? - still! Yesterday in
the evening during the jaunt I said to it: "it seems, we something
forgot". And that you do think, she did make? - probably, it did break
into a run it did home and bring this thing? - there are no, it village,
pochesala after the ear began to think that this could be.
Woman by something detuned turns herself to the youth,
who dragged away his great dane from the coquettish twig- Afghan. - where
you did buy this collar with the shafts and muzzle? - A to you for what
species it is necessary? - of course not, to me not for the dog...
On the market stands the ozyabshaya woman with the puppies the
"cross-breed of bulldog with the rhinoceros". Man with the sympathy asks:
- how much do cost your simpatyagi? - Oy. You corpse will persuade! Take
away!
In the bus: - my kobel' to each to twig reacts. Yesterday hardly it drove
in home. - this is very dangerous: it can be lost or fleas hook. It it is
better from the guide not to in spring get down... - of course not, 4
about the husband...
Comes home drunk dog. The owner meets it: - that, again drunk?! - no...
IR! Sober... As... IR! Glass-... - Yes? But well- kA of polay! - Barking-
barking, la-la-la-barking- barking!...
Declaration: "are sold dog, kokker-spaniyel'. Mother is acknowledged by
the "best bitch of species". Daughter - precise copy of mother ".
- well to what in me dog is clever! Knows how to speak word "mom" and by
these to itself sausage it earns. - A my, as it will run into into the
hut, so directly and he says: "mom, give sausages!" And try to refuse to
it!
In rayotdele of the police began to ring the telephone: - this is the
police? In my house on the tree the postman sits and it teases my dog! -
so bring it into the house! - yes, but postman says that immediately it
will go to the attorney!
Comes peasant in guests to his friend, enormous dog runs in together with
it to the owner. Thus far they drink tea on the kitchen, dog runs on the
apartment, it vomits wall-papers, curtain, discard flower pots and it
fouls to the window-sills. When finally guest intends to go home, dog in
conclusion of the matter, makes puddle on the carpet. Owner with the hope
in the voice: - well, I do hope, you will take away your dog? - A I
thought this your.
In the house new nurse leaving by evening into the theater, mistress
gives the indications: - when dog will eat up, you to it give waters. If
she is scratch into the door of canteen, give to it block, if it sits down
near the refrigerator, this means that she wants cold milk, and when it
will calm down itself to its rug, will have carefully to cover by its
blanket. - A as about the children? - asks nurse. - in which to hour to
pack them to sleep? - children? - is surprised mother. - A why to plot
them? They so always fill up, as soon as television program concludes.
In the counter of bar the gentleman popivayet whisky with the soda. His
feet have enormous dog. Gentleman, after noting the surprise of barmena,
he says: - if 4 did not take this villain with itself, it would not
release me into the house. The familiar goes on the peasant and it sees:
peasant with his dog the maps. - well and clever you have dog! - of course
not, the fool: when by it color goes, it with tail begins to
wag.
